Jumpstart your love life
By Lisa Lombardi Ready to take
control of your love future? We polled a bunch of dating experts and asked each
for his or her number-one way to get your dating life in high gear this year.
Here’s what they had to say—and be warned: Try these tips and, by Valentine’s
Day, you may be fighting off prospective suitors!
1. Give good sense
“Have a romance with life! Tap into your
senses, and you’ll come alive with positive energy. Really taste your food and
savor your wine; enjoy your music and the sounds of nature; feel the sun or the
breeze on your skin and smell the aromas around you. When you get in the habit
of living life like this, others are drawn to your passion and enthusiasm.”
–
Debbie Mandel, Author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and
Soul 2. Dare to have
spares“Dating is a numbers game, so skip the old rules of ‘a nice person
only dates one at a time.’ The more you date, the better the odds of finding
someone wonderful worth weeding out from the pack. Plus, a full social calendar
and lack of instant availability brings out the hard-to-get reaction in the
opposite sex without actually having to play a game!”
– Dennie Hughes, author
of
Dateworthy 4. Roll up the rugs“Throw a ‘widening
your net of possibilities’ party. Love matches often come from your network of
friends, colleagues and family. Invite everyone you know and ask them to bring
at least one single person, or even a couple. The love of your life — or at
least his or her cousin — just might walk through your door.”
– Diana
Kirschner, Ph.D., author of
Opening Love’s Door 3. Be
captivated“I often tell my patients (not to mention family and friends)
that finding and sustaining love is like acquiring a piece of art. We should
wait to be struck and captivated. But all too often we walk around with our
pre-crafted ‘frame’ — or idea of whom we belong with — desperately trying to fit
someone into it. So in 2007, throw away your mental checklist of what you’re
looking for and keep a truly open mind—you might be surprised at who truly
clicks with you.”
– Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of
DSI: Date Scene
Investigation 6. Get a planner“Set dating goals. Writing
things down helps you to achieve your goals. Think short-
and long-term.
Maybe it’s one date a week or meeting three new people a month. Either way,
write it down and make it happen.”
– Lissa Coffey, author of
What’s Your
Dosha, Baby? 6. Risk embarrassment“Don’t be afraid of
going out on a limb. You don’t want to appear desperate, but at some point one
of you has to give up waiting three days to call the other person back and
pretending you’re too aloof to fall in love. Why not you? A corny gesture —
writing a note telling how happy you are when you see him or cooking a meal —
can make him think it’s time to take things beyond the stage of dates you aren’t
sure are actually dates.”
– Gregory Gilderman, author of
She’s the One:
The Surprising Truth of What Makes a Woman a Keeper 7. Play the
odds“The quickest way to meet prospective dates is to hang out in places
where the odds are in your favor. For women, that means sports bars or the
driving range. For guys, try DSW (or any other gigantic shoe warehouse). These
places are crawling with women, especially on early Friday evenings and
Saturdays. Just ask the nearest unattached female to help you pick out a new
pair of shoes. See where it goes from there. Also consider book clubs: Women
love to read, and there are usually very few men in attendance. It’s a great
pick if you’re interested in dating someone brainy.”
– Lisa Daily, author of
Stop Getting Dumped! 8. Listen up“One of the most
engaging ways to get people to feel close to you is by being a good listener.
Why do you think people love to go to their hairdresser? Good listening requires
paying close attention, asking for details, and then echoing back the important
points of the conversation. If you take the time to listen to someone, he or she
will feel like you
really care. Also, it gives you the chance to see what
kind of person he or she is without having to worry about what to say
back!”
– Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of
The Secrets of Happily Married
Men 9. Get some class“Sign up for one thing you’re
interested in that involves a group meeting on a regular basis. I recommend ones
that focus on your own interests: Yoga, cooking or kayaking class, a gardening
group, a political campaign, or a co-ed sports league or team. In no time,
you’ll have a wider circle of friends, and when you meet a prospect, you’ll
already have some idea of that person’s character and personality. This will
prevent you from wasting a lot of time on a loser.”
– Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.,
psychotherapist and author of
The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again
Lisa Lombardi is a writer and editor in New York who has
written for Maxim, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan
and other magazines.