Jumpstart your love life
By Lisa Lombardi
Ready to
take control of your love future? We polled a bunch of dating
experts and asked each for his or her number-one way to get
your dating life in high gear this year. Here’s what they had
to say—and be warned: Try these tips and, by Valentine’s Day,
you may be fighting off prospective suitors!
1. Give good sense
“Have a romance with life!
Tap into your senses, and you’ll come alive with positive
energy. Really taste your food and savor your wine; enjoy your
music and the sounds of nature; feel the sun or the breeze on
your skin and smell the aromas around you. When you get in the
habit of living life like this, others are drawn to your
passion and enthusiasm.”
– Debbie Mandel, Author of Turn On
Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul
2. Dare
to have spares
“Dating is a numbers game, so skip the old
rules of ‘a nice person only dates one at a time.’ The more
you date, the better the odds of finding someone wonderful
worth weeding out from the pack. Plus, a full social calendar
and lack of instant availability brings out the hard-to-get
reaction in the opposite sex without actually having to play a
game!”
– Dennie Hughes, author of Dateworthy
3.
Roll up the rugs
“Throw a ‘widening your net of
possibilities’ party. Love matches often come from your
network of friends, colleagues and family. Invite everyone you
know and ask them to bring at least one single person, or even
a couple. The love of your life — or at least his or her
cousin — just might walk through your door.”
– Diana
Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Opening Love’s Door
4. Be
captivated
“I often tell my patients (not to mention family
and friends) that finding and sustaining love is like
acquiring a piece of art. We should wait to be struck and
captivated. But all too often we walk around with our
pre-crafted ‘frame’ — or idea of whom we belong with —
desperately trying to fit someone into it. So in 2007, throw
away your mental checklist of what you’re looking for and keep
a truly open mind—you might be surprised at who truly clicks
with you.”
– Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of DSI: Date Scene
Investigation
5. Get a planner
“Set dating goals.
Writing things down helps you to achieve your goals. Think
short- and long-term. Maybe it’s one date a week or meeting
three new people a month. Either way, write it down and make
it happen.”
– Lissa Coffey, author of What’s Your Dosha,
Baby?
6. Risk embarrassment
“Don’t be afraid of
going out on a limb. You don’t want to appear desperate, but
at some point one of you has to give up waiting three days to
call the other person back and pretending you’re too aloof to
fall in love. Why not you? A corny gesture — writing a note
telling how happy you are when you see him or cooking a meal —
can make him think it’s time to take things beyond the stage
of dates you aren’t sure are actually dates.”
– Gregory
Gilderman, author of She’s the One: The Surprising Truth of
What Makes a Woman a Keeper
7. Play the odds
“The
quickest way to meet prospective dates is to hang out in
places where the odds are in your favor. For women, that means
sports bars or the driving range. For guys, try DSW (or any
other gigantic shoe warehouse). These places are crawling with
women, especially on early Friday evenings and Saturdays. Just
ask the nearest unattached female to help you pick out a new
pair of shoes. See where it goes from there. Also consider
book clubs: Women love to read, and there are usually very few
men in attendance. It’s a great pick if you’re interested in
dating someone brainy.”
– Lisa Daily, author of Stop
Getting Dumped!
8. Listen up
“One of the most
engaging ways to get people to feel close to you is by being a
good listener. Why do you think people love to go to their
hairdresser? Good listening requires paying close attention,
asking for details, and then echoing back the important points
of the conversation. If you take the time to listen to
someone, he or she will feel like you really care. Also, it
gives you the chance to see what kind of person he or she is
without having to worry about what to say back!”
– Scott
Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men
9. Get some class
“Sign up for one thing you’re
interested in that involves a group meeting on a regular
basis. I recommend ones that focus on your own interests:
Yoga, cooking or kayaking class, a gardening group, a
political campaign, or a co-ed sports league or team. In no
time, you’ll have a wider circle of friends, and when you meet
a prospect, you’ll already have some idea of that person’s
character and personality. This will prevent you from wasting
a lot of time on a loser.”
– Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.,
psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating
Again
Lisa
Lombardi is a writer and editor in New York who has written
for Maxim, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan and other magazines.
Current Mood:
horny