Dear Debbie,
My husband dumped me after thirty years of marriage. He says that we are not dancing in the same direction and that I make him feel old. I worked, raised two children, ran the house and believed we would grow old together and travel. Now I am abandoned and feel lonely. Every day is another sad reminder of living alone. Can you help me? I don’t want to take medication or spend a lot of money on therapists who have broken lives too. (Abandoned, Maine)
Dear Abandoned,
First, get rid of the term abandoned. You have not been abandoned by your husband; however, you have abandoned yourself! There are no guarantees in life and after thirty years sometimes people grow apart. Because your husband was feeling unhappy with himself and the aging process, he felt (rightly or wrongly) that he needed to forge a new identity and that might involve a woman that makes him feel young. However, that’s his problem, let’s get back to you in the present. It’s time to empower yourself and stop looking back in anger. Work on yourself to be better and get out there to have fun with girl friends, guy friends and new acquaintances.
Jumpstart your life by:
- Exercising and getting into good physical shape and stamina
- Eating right for mood, health and fitness; don’t wallow in junk food
- Getting involved in a creative hobby
- Indulging in a makeover to see and believe in a new you
- Doing some volunteer work to meet people with similar passions
- Going on trips to change your scene
- Becoming friendlier, more positive and smiling a lot more
- Not telling everyone your sad story; instead listen to theirs
If you would like to sound off on this issue or ask a question about an issue in your life please e-mail Debbie Mandel
Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of
Changing Habits: The Caregivers' Total Workout and
Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul, a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker, a personal trainer and mind/body lecturer. She is the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WGBB AM1240 in New York City , produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit:
www.turnonyourinnerlight.com
