Summer heat and haze are dissipating and when that happens we see love more clearly without the blurriness of fantasy. While summer is the season of fun, skimpy clothing and lightheartedness like butterflies and bees caressing flower after flower, fall is more serious. The days are shorter with temperatures significantly cooler; the leaves fall to reveal surprising tree architecture and details of homes we never notice in summer. Winter is coming and we make plans to nest and keep warm. Fall is a great time to fall in love and make it last!
Fall heralds the unofficial New Year, not January. Embedded in our consciousness is that the new school year begins in September. Work also becomes more vigorous in the fall, no more long leisurely weekend escapes; retailers are busy with winter holiday selling in October. This helps to explain why love relationships are scrutinized in the fall: Who am I going to nest with in winter? And for those of us who have ended a past relationship, we get motivated to date again, to find a partner who has many fine qualities dropping the prerequisite “Must look like a movie star and be a millionaire.”
Instead of the fifteen-minute speed date, fall corresponds to the part of our heart that gives a person a second chance if there is hardly any chemistry initially. We now know that friendship can trigger chemistry. And if you have been in a relationship that has become routine, feel like you have been married forever, it’s time to see the details that have been hidden from your view, the tree architecture of your relationship. Here’s how:
- Fall means being physical like raking leaves, bicycle riding and long walks. Take your cue from nature and get physical. If you have been married a long time, do not use it as an excuse to neglect the physical part of your relationship acting like you have no feelings from the waist down. Activate your vitality and so your health as research studies show. If you are looking for love and a bit nervous about intimacy, discovering your rhythm with another person is a friendly adventure. When there is friendship, you feel comfortable that you are already liked.
- Don’t let your duties, children and aging parents deter you from romance. Many couples channel all their energy into the children. Often their kids are dressed fashionably, while they are sloppy and neglected. Whether your beloved is your spouse or you are dating a good candidate for a lasting relationship, don’t allow others to steal your sensual energy. Change your priorities. You are a couple first.
- Flirt! Whether you are with someone new or someone you have known for years, flirting is mandatory. The art of flirting is in the eyes. While the other person is talking, look from eye to eye and then down to the mouth. Repeat. Listen attentively and ask key questions to prove that you are listening. And don’t forget to use words that have double meanings to hint, “Sure glad you’re here. Things just got a lot better.” Show some teeth and smile!
- Fall is a season filled with humor. During summer we get hot under the collar and a bit explosive. In spring we are so eager that we spring thoughtlessly into action with everything looking rosy. In winter we are colder, darker and impatient with the winter blahs. But fall is fun like a child throwing herself into a pile of leaves or a Halloween costume party. Unleash your romantic, playful side and your wit. This is the time when we cling to and appreciate the warmth because we know winter is coming. Our temperament could never be better: Mature, appreciative and kind.
Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of Changing Habits: The Caregivers' Total Workout
and Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul,
a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker, a personal trainer and mind/body lecturer. She is the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WGBB AM1240 in New York City , produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com