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The Surprising Benefits of Writing Love Letters

By Debbie Mandel

We are conditioned to use technology to communicate our innermost, sensitive and subtle feelings. Technology is fast, effective and instantly gratifying. Another plus is that we don’t have to spell, use proper grammar and can select from a wide range of free graphic images, even use sound effects to facilitate the message! However, I come from a long line of letter writers and I think that when we opt for the quick fix, we lose something special in the process. Writing is as important to learning as reading. In fact, sometimes we learn more when we write because writing compels us to really think on a deeper level. When we write a love letter, we help ourselves sort out our relationship without pretense, and not just our connection to another person, but our inner-connection as we clarify our core value system. The love letter we write to another is really a barometer of how we love ourselves.

In a love letter we are able to:
  • Specify our emotions and celebrate our passion for life with a deeper understanding of our partner.
  • Express our shy feelings without inhibition, fear of rejection and interruption.
  • Creatively flirt and test the waters to captivate the other person.
  • Give the other person some time to process our feelings without the pressure of an immediate response or a superficial, “Me too.”
  • Get a cathartic release of words that have been suppressed like buried treasure.
With that said, I feel better already for having written to you. Now, you might say that I write books and articles, so writing a little love letter is no big deal for me; while for you, it might require a bit more initial effort. And you are right! Here are some instructions for writing a love letter. The more love letters you write, practice makes perfect. Beyond that you will discover how deeply you can love while you sort out what it is exactly that you love. What you find out my surprise you! Opening up your heart, making yourself vulnerable, is sexy.

Here are some tips for writing a love letter and creating an intimate bond:
  • First come from the heart.
  • Start with a template from a famous quote like: “How do I love thee let me count the ways?” Now all you have to do is list the different ways. Use your imagination. Have fun with it.
  • Look at a beautiful scene from nature like the ocean, a garden or a sunrise. Use that as a point of comparison to your love and write how your love resembles this wondrous scene from nature.
  • You can write your first letter expressing the feelings you had for your beloved on the day that you first met – even if you have been together for over a decade. Just recall the details of when, where, how and why (you already know who) and your partner will be flattered.

Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of Changing Habits: The Caregivers' Total Workout and Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul, a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker, a personal trainer and mind/body lecturer. She is the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WGBB AM1240 in New York City , produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit: